Best of Waiting for Squirrel ... Shots Fired!

From October 10, 2005:
I live in the Chapel Hill hood. Now some people question whether Chapel Hill actually has a hood. OK, it's a pretty clean hood, but still ... I have proof. Last night at 12:44 am five shots were fired in my neighborhood. Apparently no one reported it because no police sirens followed.

So why didn't I report it? Well, I have a history. No, not a police history. I have a history of nightmares. Underneath my cool, calm exterior lies a freaked out chick. As a result, I dream crazy [CRAZY] things. So I wasn't entirely sure that I didn't dream the shots. Real or not, I couldn't sleep afterward. I was a little concerned that the gunman would come bursting through my back door.

Talk about history - my back patio has history! This summer someone pulled a nasty bit of vandalism and pour used motor oil all over my unfinished back deck. Gross - and permanent. Then last week I noticed something freaky. I have a wicker table with a glass top sitting on the deck. Well, one day I forgot to pull in my cardboard recycling before it rained and one of the boxes stuck to the glass. When I pull it up, it left a patch of brown cardboard. Last week I noticed that someone had flipped the glass over because you could see the outside of the cardboard box. Now, this is a fairly heavy piece of glass. It's not going to blow over in a storm. Someone picked it up, flipped it over and then replaced it perfectly on the wicker stand. WHY?!